Remembering Jacob

Today was a special day to remember our first son, Jacob November Kim. He would have been 2 years old today, Jacob was born 1:20pm at 21 weeks on November 12th. My husband and I spent some time at the cemetery where he was cremated. We lifted up a winnie the pooh 'happy birthday' balloon into the sky. We also brought panpan's remains stored in a box to remember by.

I have been sleeping at the hospital since Madison transferred from the nicu to the pediatric floor. I will explain more in my next post. It's nice to finally sleep one night at home and restore the energy and rest I need. The irony of it all is that my hubby and I decided to enjoy a dinner at l'espalier restaurant in Boston for Jacob's bday. And toasted in remembrance of our son.

We really understand the powerful love of being parents. Everytime I hold Madison, I think of Jacob. How we held him in our arms for even that day we got to be his parents. In those few hours of bonding with our child as he passed away in our ams, noone can ever replace the love we have for him.

Can I share with you a beautiful poetic song my husband wrote for him that day?

It's November, we'll remember & always love you!
It's November, we'll remember & be with you soon.

He can't open his eyes yet but look for a tiny boy.
Wrapped up in big blankets, he lies down like a toy.
Sleeping so quietly, do you see him over here.
Fly him, swift angel, straight to God's care.

Please God when you see him, take his fears away.
He made us proud parents, even if just for a day.
So hold him & kiss him - embrace his little head.
We'll soon be altogether, asleep in his bed.

But for now, keep him warm until we meet again.
We'll try to be better parents as best as we can.
Give us strength & wisdom so we will bear on
To face all the memories & the silence of dawn.

And if he misses us up there, can you tell our little son?
Mommy & Daddy are so sorry for all that is done.
We can't play right now as you wait by God's side
But we did all to hold onto you even as you died.

Our November, Sweet November...we miss you too.
Our November, we'll remember & always love you!
Good night little son.

*this song was revised i'm sure but in my journal that evening.